so let's pretend i want the features to play my birthday party/bardmitzfa/wedding/graduation/sleepover/orgy/etc/etc etc. what would i have to do and would it cost much?

I don't have any experience with this so I'm just guessing here. However, I would think it would involve a call to Rory, a whole lot of cash, and at least twenty-four hours of prayer.

I have actually talked about this with my roommate before. We were talking about weddings, since one of our friends was getting married at the time. I asked if she could have whoever she wanted at her reception, who it would be. I can't quite remember her answer, but mine was The Features. I would want people to rock out at my reception, but that is just me.
I would be willing to do whatever it took to get them to play for me. But, ah, I am thinking that it is highly unlikely.

I heard that the Features were going to play at Seth and Amber Timbs' wedding, but I don't know for sure if that ever happened. However, I think that would've been more of a personal favor than a paid gig.

they did play at their wedding...it was sometime last summer. it was a good, fun show--they pulled out some older songs--and there was an appearance from a real, live demon during (you guessed it) exorcising demons. glossary also played--it was at the red rose.

Was it Matt Mahaffey?

the features would be awesome at a wedding reception. the have good combo of fast and slow songs......bride and groom could dance to moonlight.

I had a thought......if the features are big huge rock stars by the time i get married...they won't be able to play my wedding.

Maybe they'll remember the fans who have been there for them since the beginning and cut you a special deal. They don't seem like the kind of guys who would forget where they came from.

If they do, though, your only option would be to have a huge wedding (with enough guests to fill the Gaylord Entertainment Center) and charge everyone $65 to attend the reception. Then schedule your wedding for the same night that the band's world tour is making its stop in Nashville.

Good call, TF.

Good call Tom.....

having the features play my wedding is my new goal in life.....

from personal experience

for $20 and access to an open bar

the features will play at your next orgy, too.

they should play at my next orgy... oh wait... i don't have one on the schedule. i'm sure i could pencil one in.

(Edited by damon at 5:57 pm on Jul. 8, 2002)

Can Goyem please refrain from attempting to write Hebrew phrases. Thanks.

Bar Mitzvah

haha. i was wondering when somebody would correct that. hebrew was never meant to be learned phonetically. where did the d come from?

i have no idea where that came from..........i knew mispselled it at first but never edit it out. i'm sure everyone knows i can't type and can't spell.

do they play funerals as well?

wow, that's a great idea. what more could a girl ask for? features funerals would get features fans around the world excited about death. however, this idea would only be worth while if someone would be willing to clap the corpse's hands during "see you through."

i'm sure something could be rigged up so that the hands would clap with the pull of a string. however, it would be interesting to see if strings were needed- my theory is that even a corpse would clap during see you through.

You guys are strange, but that's probably why I like y'all so much.

who's strange?

i think corpse-talk is perfectly normal. infact, it's my #2 conversation-starter after the weather.

hmmm... that might be a little extreme. i would save corpse talk for late in a first date/early second date banter...

The only band who could successfully pull off a funeral would be Joy Division.

i would expect such an answer from you...

i want the cure to play at my funeral.

i think the smiths could pull off a funeral. morrissey has such a depressing voice. johnny marr could snort coke off of the casket.

truer words have never been spoken.

it's always fun to make fun of johnny marr's drug habit

if Johnny Marr ever went to a funeral where someone was cremated, he'd probably snort the ashes, and say "fucking brilliant".

HAHAHA!!!

damn that was funny. then he'd rub his nose and go hang out with noel.