Do you think about the message board while you're at work, e.g. think up stupid posts to make while picking up trash at a factory?

Do you exclusively listen to The Features while posting?

Do you have the message board bookmarked?

Is it your start page?

Do you talk to other members off the board?

Do you recruit members?

Do you make references about posts to your friends and family although they have no idea what you're talking about?

Do you only listen to music you feel BrianEno would find relevant?

Do you ever catch yourself walking around wondering what StephanieW is up to?

Do you go  to a show and then speed home just to be the first person to post about it?

If you're not the first person to post about it, do you ever find yourself screaming at the screen, 'No the performance of Dark Room was way better than The Beginning'?

Do you leave houseguests in another room while you go check the board?

Have you been watching Nickelodeon and Cartoon Network a lot recently in an attempt to spark old school memories?

How many times do you hit refresh when you see Tom Foolery on out of fear you'll miss one of his posts and not know its there for another 10 minutes?

Have you ever replied to a post made by someone in the very next room in lieu of actually speaking to each other?

I actually thought of a lot more today at work, but my short term memory sucks. Feel free to supply questions of your own.

'Addicts are always in recovery'

(Edited by Ceeze at 8:11 pm on June 6, 2002)

Well, Tom Foolery and I have talked about this topic too, and perhaps we can form a Support Group. As for the questions, Ceeze, I have to say yes to the majority, aside from what I am doing during the day. Yes, thefeatures.com is my start page, and everytime Tom Foolery is on, I am always refreshing the page. He usually posts things that I can reply too. I am an addict, and I know it. In fact, my internet is screwed up at the moment, and it is KILLING me. At least some of you are with me.

I am most certainly an addict.  However, as with most things, the intensity of my addiction varies over time.

The only item from Ceeze's list of which I'm guilty is 'walking around wondering what StephanieW is up to.'  That, however, is another story.

The signs that Ceeze omitted include:

Do you check message board ten times a day while you're at work?

Do you contemplate and discuss the social order and even the very nature of the message board with other members?

Do you skip meals so you can read the message board?

Do you trade sex for Internet access so you can visit this site?

Did you choose to read the message board instead of calling your mother on her last birthday?

Have you suffered severe emotional damage because someone else on the board was offended by one of your posts?  (Bonus points if that person was stalker on skates)

Do you know the exact number of days until Dancin' in the District just because you're anxious to meet your fellow addicts?

Do you know the names of at least three lurkers because you've seen their usernames on the 'active users' list?  (I'm talkin' to you cub11.)

Are you here because this site is a more fulfilling replacement for your addiction to the Spongebath message board than Self-Centered?

Have you installed five computers and a wireless network in your home so that you're never more than twenty feet from the message board?

Since I have already established that I am an addict, I must admit that I have 'Walked around wondering what Tom Foolery is doing'. But, like he said, that is an entirely different story. And, here are 2 other items that has been left off of the list:
Do you take your lunch breaks from work to go to your house in order to check the message board, since your shift is 8 hours long, and you don't want to miss anything, instead of eating?
Do you freak out when your computer screws up and end up reformatting your hard drive as well as buying a new network card just because you can't wait to see what everyone is posting?
I'm sure I will think of more.

Have you spent money on faster internet connection so you won't have to wait that extra couple seconds for the page to load?

Do you ever go to other local band's message boards and tell the members there that The Features board is much better?

Do you go to concerts and place bets with your friends on who else is a board member?

Do you have have weeks of unread e-mails because you can't find enough time for emails and the message board?

Do you have weeks of unread mail because you don't have time to go to the mailbox and look at the message board?

Have you heard your friends and family lately call you reclusive and withdrawn?

Would you hear that if you ever left the message board long enough to be in their presence?

I don't know any more.

Err... since 1977? Yes... I guess that's means they'll never let me donate blood again...

Are you unable to think of anything to add to this thread, but can't help but contribute just because it's funny and you're addicted?


I know Tom is addicted b/c he was recruiting some old lady while he was bagging her groceries the other day (I was next in line). I think she's started posting.

Stephanie is probably the fastest rising non-banned message board member.

Well, thanks. I try my best. In all actuality, Tom Foolery and I are in this heated race against one another. I am being beaten at the moment, but you can bet for a comeback.

You better watch out, Stephanie. I might pull a JustAnotherDrive/elliott maneuver and post sixty messages in one day.

27 in two days, by the way.

I had 27 in like 7 months, but I was at one time a certified Features board lurker.

my girlfreind thinks i talk to the message board more than i talk to her sometimes........

That's why my last girlfriend broke up with me, that and I kept calling her Rollum. Does that say something about my sexuality?

i can relate to her...i knew i was in trouble when i first started dating lw and the first thing he did at my apartment was check the message board. i thought he was a dork until i actually checked it out. now i understand, and i think he is pretty damn cool.

I will definitely be on the look-out for that.

Not at all. All members of The Features are sexy to both genders. So, I still think you can be secure in your sexuality for the time being.

it's ok, rollum has been know to kick with his left foot. trust me on this one.

I am totally an addict.  I just stayed up for two hours posting lyrics to like 20 songs in the new lyrics area.  There's nobody on the board but me, it's like being in a store after they've closed or your house when everybody is away.  Right now there's a whole page of just Briggs in that lyrics and tabs folder.  Pretty cool.
So anyway, some of the lyrics are complete, some aren't.  Go add what you hear.
It's now 6 am. I am going to bed.
And I want to hear everybody singing along at the next show.

(Edited by HeyItsBriggs at 6:04 am on June 9, 2002)

yes, i am an addict. i scored very high on the test, even the one about trading sex for a faster internet connection.

Lawnwrangler, I am going to have to retire soon if you continue to insist on being more funny than me.

So is anyone planning to follow the ever-fashionable BrianEno2 and retire on us??

Maybe that's the ultimate in Features board addiction...he's saying that in retirement, we have a name...

His name is Brian Eno
His name is Brian Eno
His name is Brian Eno

And, upon death or departure, we can bury them in the garden.

Neuboy retired.

RIP

Me, too. And, I would do it again in a heartbeat!
Oh, that could relate to a new qualification to be an addict:
If you are involved with someone that is on the message board, do you call them by their username rather than their real name? Example:
'Hey, Tom Foolery, want to go hang out?' to which he would reply, 'I'll be there in a minute, StephanieW,' (since he is an addict, too).

well i refer to lw as lw because i dont want to give away his identity to everyone. i call you stephaniew because i dont want everyone to know who you are in case you were going for the whole anonymous thing as well. hey, stephanie could be a bluff. do you realllly know that is her name? so anyways, im not dating everyone on the board that i call by their user name. but i wouldnt mind...

I was thinking of more of a real life situation, like when you hang out with lw, do call him lawnwrangler? If I ever heard you do that, I would start calling you mindylieu too. It could be an inside thing. Oh, and by 'involved' I didn't just mean dating. I was referring to if you knew them in real life, since I know a lot of people on here know each other pretty well.

(Edited by StephanieW at 10:24 pm on June 10, 2002)

I've never seen any of you in my life that I know of, so I don't call anyone by their user name in reality, but I call everyong by thier user name on the board because I don't know anyone's real name. I've never met any of y'all.

I vote we call each other by our usernames. I've already learned to respond to 'Tom.' (Except for StephanieW. Everyone must call her by her preferred name: Snuggle Bear.)

Snuggle Bear is just for you, sweetheart.

I'll probably call y'all by the user names anyway because I'll probably forget your names. I'll probably forget your faces too, so I'll call everyone person. Just a warning.

I thought I had something to say in response to all this, but it eludes me at present...

I don't know...Tom Foolery smokes crack or something.

If you see me in person, please call me by my real name. However, I would prefer people calling me by my username on this site. Thank you.

This has just inspired a new thread that I'll now start under 'Misc' since I hate to get farther off this one that could have some more life in it.

Is it a sign of addiction if you fantasize about posting on the message board while having intimate relations with a member of the opposite sex?

What a coincidence, I have that fantasy as well. Or maybe it was mentioned to me earlier?

you all need professional help...

sadly, there is a shocking lack good 12 steap programs for addictions like this...

for now, i say you admit your problem and go about asking forgiveness for the wrongs you've done in the name of the board (ie burning small villages, filling mailboxes with pudding, poaching elephants)...

oh i gotcha stephaniew-no, i call lw by his real name. except for when he is into role playing. reowww. jk. but you can call me mindylieu whenever you want. that was my nickname in high school.

Wow. You got off easy. My nickname in high school was 'dorky, booger-eating, no-friends science boy.' I would've much rather been called Mindy Lieu.

I don't really have a nickname in high school, but before that, my classmates called me 'Marty Farty.' Evil bastards.

wow, your classmates obviously held you in high esteem to use such a long nickname. most people get names like 'chuck' and 'spanky'.

my best friends in high school called me such names as 'piglegs' 'babe'(in reference to the pig, not a hottie) stubby and stublegs.

i wonder what the people who DIDN'T like me were saying about me...

well i was also nicknamed crackrock and crackwhore if it makes you feel any better.

true that...

in 7th grade, my math teacher decided to call me sleeze for laughing at some girl who was a bit slow... the name stuck for the rest of the year...

and you openly admit that?

I guess my friends in High School never really got inventive with nicknames for me, so other than Steph or even an occasional Stephi (I am cringing), I never really had any other nicknames...unless you count bitch as one, and those were my the people who actually liked me. Ah well, you can add that one to the list too.

for some reason i was called 'blueberry' by a friend in high school -- he even made a shirt for me that said 'blueberry music festival' and listed all of my favorite bands on the back of it. i never wore it because it was too big.

i hide nothing

It's true. damon is a very open individual, and he WILL scare you with his comments or opinions at one point or the other. I suppose I have just become numb to it.

i don't need your commentary...

ok, maybe it is welcome sometimes

(Edited by damon at 12:11 am on June 13, 2002)

That's what i thought. You couldn't live without my commentary, and you know it.

does anyone sense some sexual tension between stephanieW and damon or is it just me?

no tension... just sex. she loves the butt...

(Edited by damon at 2:46 pm on June 13, 2002)

Although there is sexual tension between another board member and myself, it is not damon.

Ok. Gross. And, you wish.

eh, not really. the butt isn't really my thing... hopefully we can be friends despite this.




(Edited by damon at 2:57 pm on June 13, 2002)

I will consider it. With strength and endurance, I am sure our friendship will survive.

sounds like a plan.

Sounds like a pain.

To clear my name...NO...I don't 'like the butt'.

well, according to the word on the street...

SHOTGUN ASS!

Actually, I heard that the last guy who tried it got a mouth full of mace and had his right testicle completely crushed between her foot and his pelvic bone.

You know it. And my fist was in his mouth, too...not just mace. Let me repeat...I don't like (or love) the butt. And, since damon is on vacation this week, I don't expect to have an objection to this claim for at least a few days.

shotgun ass is brought to you by Pilch...

good call ray

how true, how true....

shotgun ass...

it rings as true today as the first time i heard it. if i remember one thing from my college days, this concept of reserving the bum will be it.

by the way ray, have you seen vanilla sky? i quite enjoyed it. the soundtrack was nice as well. anytime you work dylan, mccartney, gabriel, and rem into the same movie, you bound to come out a winner...

(Edited by damon at 2:19 am on June 26, 2002)

why yes, i have seen vanilla sky. very good movie, fairly good soundtrack. I highly enjoyed the porpoise song by the Monkees as well as the Sigur Ros track and the Jeff Buckley tune. I noticed lots of radiohead in the movie. it just goes to show how much of a genius Cameron Crowe is when it comes to picking out songs for his movies.

The Josh Rouse song is really good too. Really good.

Vanilla Sky was ok, but had one of the worst endings of any movie ever (although not as bad as Pay It Forward).

i've never actually seen pay it forward, but i know the kid dies at the end. sorry for ruining it for anyone who planned on renting it...

Ok, Vanilla sky was awesome. The ending was not terrible. it was very moving.

Vanilla Sky.. I thought that it was a very good movie that actually carried meaning. It was nice to see Cameron Diaz as a little crazy, too.

the good will hunting soundtrack is really good too. mostly elliot smith stuff...

You're entitled to your opinion and all that, but I'd just rather have a good story with a good ending, than a good idea for a story with some dude appearing at the end and explaining what was going on the whole time.

I have not seen said movie, but those types of endings bother me. However, I saw Donnie Darko two nights ago, and liked its ending a lot, circular logic and all.

p.s. My brother is learning to play the guitar and has been playing the chords to American Girl for two hours straight. And he still can't get the strum pattern right. I think I may go mad.

i haven't seen vanilla sky, although i have seen 'open your eyes' the original spanish version of the film. i liked it alot, although i see what you mean about the guy appearing at the end.

thanks for ruining pay it forward.

be strong...

donnie darko does have a cool ending. i like grandma death too.

I have heard so much about donnie darko, but I have never gotten around to watching it.

donnie darko was cool.
vanilla sky was horrible.

there i said it.......

OK, how old do you have to be before you're old?

My high school nicknames were 'Driver 8', 'Hobbs', 'Stew', and 'God(*&$%it, what've you done this time?'

Until recently, hobbies included hanging out at the Mercury Lounge, beer bowling, (long time ago) following R.E.M. around the southeast, breaking strings on my 12 string guitar, beer sampling, running in Percy Warner Park in Nashf*cking Vegas, and flyfishing on Saint Simons Island in the United States of Georgia

Welcome to the board, ThirdPerson.

Thank you, StephanieW, what gives here on the Features board?

Who is everybody?

ThirdPerson, did you drive a hurse to highschool? I remember a guy called 'God' at my highschool.

Who is everybody, huh? Ask me in a week, and I can tell you a little bit more in depth. (See the topic: Dancin' in the District.) I can say this, though...The reason that I got so addicted to this board (other than the fact that I am in love with The Features, of course) is due to the fact that you can really see different personalities just through all of the varying posts. I really like hearing/reading people's opinions, and the people here have no problem sharing those opinions. That's what I love. Anyway, I only know a couple of people here on a personal level, but pretty soon (5 days, guys!!!) I will get to meet more.

Deevol, it wasn't just 'God', though that's sorta funny. It was 'Goddamnit what have you done now'.

I'd like to drive a hearse, an old one with the big fins on back.

I played guitar in a band in early high school years called The Lusting Squids. Our singer was named Nathan. The band pretty much broke up when he came in one day, told us from now on his name was 'Sathan', and then played a song he had just written called 'I've got love in my butthole'.

We were terrible, but we had huge parties called 'Squidfests' and kids came from all over and drank heavily, smoked a lot of pot and did other hallucinogens, so it didn't really matter and few people now remember.

I'm a retard.

shocking. the features even have fans among the retarded population...

shocking. the features even have fans among the retarded population...

shocking. the features even have fans among the retarded population...

shocking. the features even have fans among the retarded population...

shocking. the features even have fans among the retarded population...

shocking. the features even have fans among the retarded population...

I read SoS's post on message board addiction in the other forum and remembered this thread. Although I feel like a goon for bringing it back from the dead when I started it.

I read SoS's post on message board addiction in the other forum and remembered this thread. Although I feel like a goon for bringing it back from the dead when I started it.