ouch.

"The Features are the latest in the legacy of Southern-fried rawk bands that brought us the appallingly derivative Kings Of Leon and the marginally more interesting My Morning Jacket. White trash rockers meet a group of indie kids in a redneck bar (the kind with a big neon Budweiser sign over the door), but instead of rightfully kicking the shite of the post-modern tosspots they decide to exchange musical ideas over a latte. My lord this is dull. ‘The Way Its Meant To Be’ starts off sounding like it might turn into a Nick Oliveri-penned scuzzy rock-out with its clap-clap backing and sleazy punk guitar. Regrettably things fail to pick up speed and the tune merely plods along, the half-arsed vocals doing the song very little favours. B-side ‘Someway, Somehow’ fares little better - introducing an organ won’t save your bacon now, lads. This band have been described as a reason to ‘shove Kings Of Leon up your hairy arse’, which is a fair point, but I wish The Features would follow them up there. Predictable at best."

- Rob Bealey, some website

(Edited by richarddawson at 3:25 am on Mar. 31, 2004)

He said "rawk." How much credibility can be have? Oh well. I'm not sure I'd have raving things to say about it as my first exposure to the Features, and so I might say the same on my geocities site.

I do like his Manowar banner, though....his site is called "Doom Alive," and he reviews other bands like Life of Agony, Opeth, and Papercut Homicide. This dude likes metal. No wonder he thinks they're dull.

(Edited by MissSeptember at 8:24 am on Mar. 31, 2004)

the guy can't even use decent english! "This band have" ? Give me a break! I hate when people pick pther people's grammar apart, but if you want me to take a music review seriously, at least make it sound like you put some intellect into your work!

It's refreshing to see a negative review of the band. I'm really curious to hear how people fault the band, because I think it will only make them stronger. With that said, this review is pure unadulterated shite.

I do have a new signature quote, though.

He listens to cannibal corpse for chrissakes. and he wants to talk about how the features are uninteresting? What a metal-head douchebag.

(Edited by deathscythe257 at 11:58 am on Mar. 31, 2004)

a better one. much more apt.

"It’s been a cold week, a cold week in the middle of a month where warmth should be creeping in between days. But no, just last week there was a freak snowstorm on the streets of London, so instead of moping about looking at gray pavements, we’re going to turn towards the steamy south where The Features call home to witness the release of their second single “The Way It’s Meant To Be” (Fierce Panda), and we’re happy to report that it is indeed the way it’s meant to be. Sharp and gushing in its two minutes, non-stopping twisting and turning, and not a hair on their head could evoke the nightmares that we were having of another drawling southern rock band trying to inch their way back into the confederacy. No, The Features have cracked their own formula that doesn’t mimic swamp rock or even try to take on trendy New York, instead their sound is settled (in spite of its relative youth) somewhere in between with stroppy willowy vocals and tight stuttering melodies that are sure to breathe life into their self-created no-man's land. Hi Ho Single of the Week."

- Karen Piper, The Stereo Effect

Now that one's very well written. Music to my literary ears.

Props to Karen Piper

This guy hit the nail on the head.

Do you have a stone in your stomach that I can make a wish on? Just wondering.

Couldn't you just wish on one of the rocks in your head?

Well, they're in my head, so it would be pretty hard to touch them, duh.

He's probably British - it's grammatical over here to say "The band have [x]". But his review sucks ASS - "half-arsed vocals"? They're anything but!!

I shouldn't worry about it - he's probaly some media whore who's not allowed to like them at the moment

jesus christ, what a fucking idiot.

hard to take a review seriously from a "Doom Alive muppet"

Hey, want to laugh your ass off? Click here to listen to Rob "douchebag" Bealey rock out with his incredible band...transient circuits.

god. you just can't make this shit up.