a little game i call - The Features Message Board Archive

stalker on skates

golden girl

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Posted Sunday, November 16, 2003 at 10:01 AM

Post 1 of 31

So, i think we should write a story. everyone posts a little bit and peice by peice the story builds. maximum 3 sentences, and try to keep it going for a while. anyway, I'll start!

When I woke up this morning, I wanted to make some coffee. But I was out of coffee beans, so I had to go to the store.

thank you for being a friend.

DigsySlattery

Well-dressed man in the crosshairs

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Posted Sunday, November 16, 2003 at 10:11 AM

Post 2 of 31

When I woke up this morning, I wanted to make some coffee. But I was out of coffee beans, so I had to go to the store.

I hoped on my magic dragon and away I went. When I reached the Camelot Kroger's, I was filled with delight. But alas, ninjas appeared!

~Digsy S. Slattery

My New York City Exploits

HaveSomeSoma

hella nervous

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Posted Sunday, November 16, 2003 at 1:45 PM

Post 3 of 31

turns out the store was having a big ninja star sale. so i walked past them and made my way to the coffee bean aisle. and who do i see filling his bag with a delicious french roast?...why it was none other than my good friend burt reynolds.

Are you Wigglin?

Peace Frog

Smokin' Monkeys is Funny

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Posted Sunday, November 16, 2003 at 1:50 PM

Post 4 of 31

"Have you seen Dom?!?!?!" Burt asked. He seemed more panicked than usual.

"Did you look over by the cream horns?" I asked.

Peace Frog Productions

MissSeptember

you all everybody

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Posted Sunday, November 16, 2003 at 2:37 PM

Post 5 of 31

"No," said Burt, with glazed look in his eyes and an obvious bulge in his tight pants.

It was right then that I knew something was very, very wrong.

Being the asshole that I am, I grabbed my coffee and exited the store, but when I got to my Chevelle (I call it the magic dragon...wouldn't you?), I found a young woman asleep in my backseat and a message written in lipstick on my windshield saying "The coffee holds the key to all."

(Edited by MissSeptember at 2:41 pm on Nov. 16, 2003)

That's so NA.

richarddawson

<>

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Posted Sunday, November 16, 2003 at 3:22 PM

Post 6 of 31

"No," said Burt, with glazed look in his eyes and an obvious bulge in his tight pants.

It was right then that I knew something was very, very wrong.

Being the asshole that I am, I grabbed my coffee and exited the store, but when I got to my Chevelle (I call it the magic dragon...wouldn't you?), I found a young woman asleep in my backseat and a message written in lipstick on my windshield saying "The coffee holds the key to all."

Somehow, the coffee transported me back in time, and a young Dolly Parton was in the back of my Chevelle. "What the hell?", I said. And, we drove to the Duke ranch so uncle Jesse might be able to tell us what was going on. But, when we got there...

jamiecarroll

Sleepy Kisser

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Posted Sunday, November 16, 2003 at 4:56 PM

Post 7 of 31

...the place had been ransacked and Uncle Jesse was dead, slouched over the CB. Duke blood and cheap Kroger-brand ninja stars were everywhere. I walked back out to the Magic Dragon, only to discover that Dolly had vanished!

Relevant: Prince, PT Anderson, Punk, Post-Punk, Purple, Party of Five, Peter Swanson, Peter Gabriel-led Genesis, "Peter Panic", Paul's Boutique, Potential Energy, Every Features MB member but me.

YaDaDaDa

Formed & Functional

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Posted Sunday, November 16, 2003 at 9:24 PM

Post 8 of 31

...the place had been ransacked and Uncle Jesse was dead, slouched over the CB. Duke blood and cheap Kroger-brand ninja stars were everywhere. I walked back out to the Magic Dragon, only to discover that Dolly had vanished!

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I can't grow a beard, and I don't like to party.
~Matthew Tiberius Pelham

MissSeptember

you all everybody

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Posted Sunday, November 16, 2003 at 11:52 PM

Post 9 of 31

There was a note in the backseat that was full of gibberish, stuck there by a cheap ninja star.

I hopped back in the Dragon, and sped off to find the one man who I knew could help me.

Kenny Rogers, here I come.

That's so NA.

dick_weinersex

Newbie

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Posted Monday, November 17, 2003 at 12:20 AM

Post 10 of 31

I DON'T GET IT

richarddawson

<>

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Posted Monday, November 17, 2003 at 3:18 AM

Post 11 of 31

I DON'T GET IT

...said a young Kenny Rogers as I told him what had happened. Understandably, he was very confused. I explained that his future self would have a torrid love affair with the missing country singer and that they would make beautiful music together, in more ways than one. Then, he pulled of his detailed mask and clothing to reveal that he was a younger, slimmer Dom Deluise dressed as a ninja! "Holy shit, another plot twist!", I said...

(Edited by richarddawson at 3:22 am on Nov. 17, 2003)

jamiecarroll

Sleepy Kisser

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Posted Monday, November 17, 2003 at 4:37 AM

Post 12 of 31

"How's this for a plot twist?" he said. He then pulled out a boom box and pressed play.

Islands in the stream, that is what we are... blared out, but with a strange new pair of vocalists. "What have you done?" I asked.

Uproarious, evil laughter ensued as Dom DeLuise pulled off his detailed mask and clothing to reveal that he was, in fact, both Sonny and Cher!

(Edited by jamiecarroll at 1:07 pm on Nov. 17, 2003)

Relevant: Prince, PT Anderson, Punk, Post-Punk, Purple, Party of Five, Peter Swanson, Peter Gabriel-led Genesis, "Peter Panic", Paul's Boutique, Potential Energy, Every Features MB member but me.

Peace Frog

Smokin' Monkeys is Funny

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Posted Monday, November 17, 2003 at 8:57 AM

Post 13 of 31

"I would have gotten away with this, too, if it wasn't for you medling kids and that dragon!" Sonny and Cher proclaimed.

Feeling mighty good about myself I turned around to see...

Peace Frog Productions

Superflks

Offically A Negro Spiritual

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Posted Monday, November 17, 2003 at 8:59 AM

Post 14 of 31

Steve Urkel

Eh.

stalker on skates

golden girl

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Posted Monday, November 17, 2003 at 9:53 AM

Post 15 of 31

Upon seeing my favorite childhood character, Steve Urkel, I fainted. (luckily right into his arms). When I came to, he was standing over me, fanning me and saying, "are you ok? would you like some coffee?" Remembering the coffee, I leapt to my feet and ran as fast as i could to . . .

thank you for being a friend.

MissSeptember

you all everybody

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Posted Monday, November 17, 2003 at 12:44 PM

Post 16 of 31

Columbia. Columbia has the best coffee you know, and Sonny and Cher asked me to grab some coke for them while I was down there. Knowing I couldn't turn them down, I took their money and headed into a quaint little Columbian shop that was filled with......

That's so NA.

richarddawson

<>

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Posted Monday, November 17, 2003 at 2:14 PM

Post 17 of 31

...bitches. Hundreds upon hundreds of female dogs, everywhere! All had a bag of coke tied to their back, even the little toy breed dogs. It all made sense when the shopkeep raised from behind the counter, and I was in disbelief to see...

MissSeptember

you all everybody

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Posted Monday, November 17, 2003 at 2:28 PM

Post 18 of 31

Burt Renyolds, once again!

"Burt, I know you must have something to do with all of these ninjas, missing persons, time travel, and disguises!" I cried to him.

"Yes, of course of I do," Burt said, his mustache a-twitching. "I'm behind this whole operation to distract you from what is really going on......"

That's so NA.

Superflks

Offically A Negro Spiritual

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Posted Monday, November 17, 2003 at 2:35 PM

Post 19 of 31

"Burt Renyolds Jr., I am your father."

"No shit," I mused.

Before i could get another word out though, daddy reached into his pcket and pulled out his massive....

Eh.

richarddawson

<>

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Posted Monday, November 17, 2003 at 8:40 PM

Post 20 of 31

"Burt Renyolds Jr., I am your father."

"No shit," I mused.

Before i could get another word out though, daddy reached into his pcket and pulled out his massive....

...bag of pot. "Yeah, that's my dad!", I said. I pulled my trusty bowl out of my pocket, and we were just about to smoke a huge bowlpack, when....

MissSeptember

you all everybody

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Posted Monday, November 17, 2003 at 8:48 PM

Post 21 of 31

A gang of ninjas busted into the store, hurling ninja stars at us.

My father, the incomprable Burt Renyolds told the cocaine bitches to attack, and the ninjas ran away....all but one.

I reached down to pull off his mask, and revealed that it was....a mime.

He told me......

That's so NA.

mindylieu

pop quiz kid

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Posted Monday, November 17, 2003 at 8:53 PM

Post 22 of 31

...nothing! mimes don't talk

"negro frijoles!!" ~m.m.

richarddawson

<>

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Posted Monday, November 17, 2003 at 9:06 PM

Post 23 of 31

...nothing! mimes don't talk

Fin

Man, this was really good.

MissSeptember

you all everybody

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Posted Tuesday, November 25, 2003 at 3:29 PM

Post 24 of 31

New Story Time!

One bright May afternoon, I was taking a stroll in a park when I happened upon something glistening in a bush.

I sauntered over to find sword, jewel encrusted and very, very heavy.

Just as I picked it up......

That's so NA.

JustAnotherDrive

I am the Lone Fill-in-the-blank of the Apocalypse.

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Posted Wednesday, November 26, 2003 at 6:11 AM

Post 25 of 31

...These monkies started biting me. I said, "Hey, monkies, stop biting me," but, they didn't. Dirty hippies.

So I'm Hooking up with David Dewese David Dewese, double D Hooking up with DD DD, don't make me say please again oh no again oh no

Token

Non-Practicing Fan

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Posted Wednesday, November 26, 2003 at 8:10 AM

Post 26 of 31

Just as I raised the sword to slaughter those maniacal monkies, I saw...

GrungeSlobTearPants

Member

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Posted Wednesday, November 26, 2003 at 9:57 AM

Post 27 of 31

......one little monkey chewing bubble gum. I thought to myself, "how could a little monkey get bubble gum?" I lowered my sword and.......

Token

Non-Practicing Fan

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Posted Saturday, November 29, 2003 at 7:03 PM

Post 28 of 31

...stuck out my hand for a piece of my own. Instead of a soft wad of gum, though, I received a sharp bite to the thumb. Damn monkey.

MissSeptember

you all everybody

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Posted Monday, February 9, 2004 at 1:05 PM

Post 29 of 31

The monkey then morphed into a bass-playing ninja in a funk band. I asked him if he had any pie. He told me....

That's so NA.

Peace Frog

Smokin' Monkeys is Funny

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Posted Monday, February 9, 2004 at 3:32 PM

Post 30 of 31

"Butter pie?"

"Why yes!!! The butter wouldn't melt so I put it in the pie!"

He became quite irate with this little exchange and bounded off to the gas to pick up....

Peace Frog Productions

damon

Damn Yellow Chicken

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Posted Monday, February 9, 2004 at 3:53 PM

Post 31 of 31

i woke up about 3 hours later, only to find my dick shriveled and my bag of rocks stolen. what had happened to me? had the ninjas from the previous story returned? or could it be that the writer was too lazy to read this story, chosing rather to start with a relatively clean slate? whatever the case, admiral halsey had gotten his pie.

(Edited by damon at 3:56 pm on Feb. 9, 2004)

We'll miss you Mr. Hooper.