Hello Feature's Band fans...I caught the show Friday night in M-Boro, and i must say that the surrounding thrift shops should really be enjoying the popularity of tacky western-style shirts with pearl buttons. Being new to this genre of music, where the musicians are obviously lacking in any extraordinary tallent, I find it perplexing that in your attempt to be different, you become the same.
However, being an ABB fan, I find many similarities between you guys and "jam band" wannabe hippies I've encountered in my years of touring. While there is a major difference in hairstyle, there is a considerably less difference in your hygiene, and even lesser of a difference between your taste in shoes and pants. This is quite odd only for the reason that you detest hippies and act as if you want to be so different.
I can't figure out what guy is attracted to the skinny, pasty white, dyed-hair, no-ass, disturbing make-up, weirdo girls who run in your circles. They really are quite disturbing to me. Also, you guys really should talk Ryan Adams into changing his hairstyle to someting more acceptable for you to imulate. Unless you enjoy "fussing" over your hair in order to make it look "un-fixed."
Now to the meat of the topic. While I can chalk the difference in style up to my being out-of-touch with the 18-20 year old crowd, I still can't digest any reason as to why you guys actually believe Indy Rockers to be tallented musicians. Come on! The reason the play shitty, indy pop is that they can't play a meat-ass bass line or the guitar players generally can't skin it back on a solo like Warren Haynes...I would think that you lovers of shitty vinyl records would, in your time rummaging through records at the local "cool guy's" record shop in his mom's basement, would have accidentally ran accross some Lowel George record and made the purchase just because you knew your friens doesn't have it (This is a whole other topic!), and realized that your Indy heroes are only moderately tallented...At Best! However, I do realize that if you can't play what's good, you'll tend to play what you can...
Therefore, I have came to the conclusion that you guys must be the modern-day hiippes. You all follow bands around...Bands that you blindly, militantly follow to make up for your lack of self-confidence or need to be associated with something you see as rebelious. Just as hippies do with the Dead, Phish, WSP, etc...Also, as earlier stated,your style is strikingly unoriginal. Sheepish even! It's also obvious that you guys went to the same "school of guys with no balls" that hippies go to. I've never been around so many dumbasses who piss and moan about smoke, drunks, fowl language, etc...yet do so while in a bar! You guys need to get some vagisil and shut the F^%$ up!
I hate you all...
Andy

Andy, I'm afraid you were at the wrong show. the Features played Chatanooga on Friday night.

Otherwise, this is going to get funny.....



P.S. Andy, are you a bluegrass musician who recently quit playing the drums and moved to Bellevue?

(Edited by deevol at 10:21 pm on Nov. 17, 2002)

It's indie, and I like asses.

Alabama Andy, is that you? I didn't know that you had that much bitterness inside. Is this a result of the Middle Tennessee "dry spell"?

That was hilarious. Please post as much as you like!

Its never dry man, you just have to know the right people. Where are my Dead bootlegs.

why thank you, andy. your opinion is welcomed, but not respected. what was the meaning of your post? was it a commentary on the way people dress at features shows? was it a rant against indie rockers (yes, that's right it's INDIE, not some fucking car race(INDY))? or were you just trying to start trouble? hmmmmmmm......i'll take the latter.

some words of advice: dont come on a message board of an excellent band and make an ass of yourself. it only makes you look bad.....pardon me while i go listen to some little feat....

(Edited by ray davies at 10:32 pm on Nov. 17, 2002)

Sorry, the show was Saturday night...Must still be reeling from the bitchin dirt weed I bought from a guy with my 2 year old nephew's shirt on outside the bar. I think he had zip-up, pointed toe boots...Anyone know him?

Pointed toed shoes are funny.

i have zip up, pointed toe boots......but i guess that's not a big deal.... .....or is it?

(Edited by ray davies at 10:47 pm on Nov. 17, 2002)

you are all losers except for me because I stared in such tv series as Baywatch, Nightrider, and my favorite Baywatch Nights where I was a lifeguard by day and a private dick by night ha ha where have all the apples gone? check the soup! NOW NOW!! check the SOUP I tell you - watch out for that gunman under the bed - I found him and I love him

(Edited by D. Hasselhoff at 10:49 pm on Nov. 17, 2002)

I don't know what the proper response to that is....or do I? What the hell is going on?

(Edited by Ceeze at 11:50 pm on Nov. 17, 2002)

ray davies you would have pointed shoes you INDIE dork

dont forget about the fact that you are a pop superstar in germany.....that makes you cooler than all of us combined...even if you dont have pointed shoes...

(Edited by ray davies at 10:52 pm on Nov. 17, 2002)

we're comming for you ray davies....

I have velcro shoes from wal-mart that are spray painted chrome and gold,

hello fans, ...
allmanbrofan is right..... you guys are complete losers. I too, was at the show..., lame shit i must say. Ive had better nights digging through my grandma's panty drawer.

whats up with these skanks at the shows? I totally agree allmanbrofan!!
your loving
compatriot
johnny

i appreciate the compliment, mr hasselhoff.

ray davies where can I find some shoes like that? Shoe Carnival doesn't have them neither does Rack Room Shoes or Just for Feet all those places even told me those shoes haven't been made in years how are you so cool that you get to have these shoes? and if I could just get me some of those pointed shoes I would just feel so orginal and cool

oooooh.....it's like your in the fucking CIA or something. wait a minute..i think i hear a knock at my door.....it may be you?!?!....what shall i ever do?

and coming is spelt with one M, not two....

You guys should try hacky-sac....It rocks...And you wouldn't hurt your frail little bodies doing it...I think I'll go out and find an Indie kid to kick the shit out of...Hell, I wouldn't even have to put down my beer coozie!

you should feel jealous of me and my shoes..... oh my pretty little shoes, i hope they never leave me.....

Please dont ban these people. I beg you.

Hey, let's go rent an obscure black-and-white film with subtitles.

now don't go off messin up those pretty shoes by blowin your load in um

i wouldnt be caught dead with a hacky sac.....too much hard work....

do a lot of staring, do you?

for the record, i enjoy the allman brothers. i've even been known to take part in extended jams (as ray davies can, no doubt, attest). however, this nonsense about doubting people's musical ability is completely pointless.just remember: rock and roll at it's purest is three chord songs played kids with second hand instruments.

(Edited by damon at 11:07 pm on Nov. 17, 2002)

i agree. they are too much fun.

Screw that, rent Out Cold. It has Zach Galifianakis in it. Very hilarious.

wow...an admirer...i feel so special......what brand of shoes do you have, pointed toe shoes? are they florsheim?

I mean person. I assume its one. Come on guys. Why can't we all just solve our differences over a nice PBR and a ride around in Kit? I can get us some killer dank.

(Edited by Ceeze at 12:05 am on Nov. 18, 2002)

You made a couple of decent points there, strangely. Too bad your bad grammar, bad spelling, and implications of The Features being bad musicians (did you LISTEN to Rollum?) ruined all your credibility.

I kind of agree that the Indie "I want to be different just like everyone else" style is similar to hippies. However, I've seen my share of Phish shows and have to say that Indie kids are much more hygenic than hippies.

I should stop this response now, but arguing is fun. So talented musicians = good music? Then I suppose you LOVE Kenny G. He's a talented musician. And that Steve Vai, wow! Are these examples not close enough to home? Well, let's talk about the Allman Brothers. Oteil Burbridge is technically one of the best bass players out there, but do you really think ABB is better now than when they had Berry Oakley?


Then again, I own a tacky western-style shirt with pearl buttons (well, snaps actually).

That pic is real F^*%#in funny Damon....Maybe I should start the shit kicking with your ass. You emo kids (whatever that means) are so full of yourselves...If you don't change your pic, you'd better pray to God that I don't find you ate the next Features show, pussy!

now one thing i will not stand for is sex with shoes. that's just retarded.

hahaha!

i think that you, my slow friend, are the one whose vagina hurts. sorry if it offends you that i used a picture of your dear mother as my avatar.


(by the way, if you had any idea what kind of music i listen to, you wouldn't be so quick to label me as emo. rush is hardly emo.)

(Edited by damon at 11:12 pm on Nov. 17, 2002)

i wouldnt call us emo, mr. allmanbrofan. remember we're "indy".....

Fuck him. Give me Yngwie Malmstein.

"I am a Viking in going out to war
And I've got death upon my mind
As I was leavin' oh yesterday
I've got no fear in my heart"

You ATE the next Features show?! How could one man be so hungry?
Matt Pelham is going to kick you ass for that, I'll have you know.

(Edited by DigsySlattery at 11:13 pm on Nov. 17, 2002)

fuck them both. give me eric johnson.

I love when it drops to the level of ass kicking.

I know a guy named Eric Johnson that is a very good guitarist. With the name, I guess he can't help it. You would think with my last name I could play some mean jazz bass, but alas its not true.

so true, ceeze. so very true.....and i love it when female genitalia is referenced in a post.....how big and bad.....

I'll tell ya Kieth...I admit to not being as educated as a lot of people. However, I worked for what little education I have. As well as my few worldy posessions. So you calling me out for using bad grammar and misspelling words doesn't come as a big shock to me.
Unlike you, I wasn't raised in the Nashville burbs, my mommy and daddy didn't buy me a SAAB (or whatever a faggot-ass like you would drive), I didn't get maid service, I didn't have a full-paid education to Vandy, I don't have a lot of tact, I don't run away from trouble, I don't shop in thrift shops eventhough I could afford something from a first-hand place, and I don't make fun of people less fortunate than myself. Seems to me as if you should keep your mouth shut my man...I've heard of different things you've started with people and wormed your way out of...You won't always be so lucky.
I'm not on here to bash the band, I quite enjoyed them (for an pop band)...I merely wanted to point out that a lot of these snot-nosed indie rockers aren't quite as cool as they'd like to believe, but if you want to turn this into a bash-fest, lets have at it...Actually, why don't we meet at your favorite coffee shop and discuss the Allman Bros past and present line-ups.
I don't think my favorite hang-outs would be up to your standards.
Lets try to keep this clean....and not step on eachother's toes too much...
I'll gladly appologize to anyone I may have offended with any prior comments. I'll also challenge anyone to dispute them.
"Stereotypes are a great timesaver."
Andy

Rush?
hahaha
No comment!

It could always be worse. You could have been raised in West Virginia.

would you like to start a war with keith? because if you do, i'm sure he would win....i mean he is a bad motherfucker(no sarcasm intended, keith)....

You made some excellent points there. I stand corrected and feel more intelligent having had this debate.

Actually, I'm not from Alabama nor is my name Andy....
My nicname is: SmokinToneNathan
Smokinest tone in Columbia, TN....

why hello, SmokinToneNathan.....do you know matt "guitar" murphy?

hmmm... i was raised in west virginia. as for no comment on rush... well, i think alex lifeson is easily as skilled as mr. betts. granted, he may not have the slide skills of duane (but few do).

Columbia...Alabama. There's really not that much of a difference. For someone who didn't want to be generalized you seem to be good at it. Would I have gotten the Saab and the Vandy education if I had asked my fat cat parents? No. Damn.

Yeah, I'm not a huge D Bettes fan either.

this is just an observation.....but does anyone else find it funny that this onlsaught of random bashing on the part of BigSexyMan, AllmanBroFan, etc. has happened the day after the features wiped the fucking floor with a certain band called the flynts?.......................... , just an observation.....

now ray, lets not talk of any floor wiping.

but it's the truth, damon........

It's a good observation, Ray, but in reality the Flynts are not the culprits. These are just some mildly disgruntled people who want to get you riled up. They have no ill will, they just have too much time on their hands, and are having a laugh. They will get off on you getting angry and emotional, if you let them.

Are you a musician also Jamie?

You're always a leveling influence on the board Jamie. However, I'm pretty sure Ray is enjoying this a lot.

i think that all of this is really funny.....hell, it's more fun than writing a history paper....

Not nearly the musician that you are, Andy.

Wow, I didn't realize everyone would get so bent up over my post...
I guess I figured that the open-minded indie crowd, fresh from their poli sci, psychology, sociology, and any other ultra-leftwing classes would appreciate the opinion of a dumbass from Columbia...Maybe someday I'll move my mom, brother, sister, and mexican brother-in-law up to Nashville or over to Mboro where we can make a better life for ourselves. Do the apts. there have a maximum occupancy rule?
I only need the guidence of some really intelligent indie kids who live in their parent's basement...
fare ye well,
SmokintoneNathan

your presence will be sorely missed....

Awww, gone so soon?

WOW. yeah, i know, ive been away for a while, but lurking. so, i just read this post all the way through and it is fucking hilarious. props to all you guys and your pointed shoes.

as for andy, who knows if he'll read this, but i do have a few things to say.

first of all, i was highly offended by your post. not bc of the indie rock and indie kid bashing, but because of your use of language and the way you chose to insult people. do you realize that the word "pussy" is in reference to a vagina? when used as an insult, it means "weak or stupid". that's a really sexist comment.

furthermore, you used the word "faggot" as an insult. and i don't think i need to tell you why that's just wrong.

I'm also incredibly sorry that your life is so pathetic that you feel the need to put a bunch a kids down. what if we are just like hippies? what if we never shower or shave, all play musical instruments with minimal talent. and let's just say that for some strange reason you didn't like the features.
I'm really concerned that you felt the need to, and would take the time to sign on a message board and say, "i hate you all". fuck, i hate a bunch of people, but i just don't deal with them. is your life really that boring?
man, that's just sad.

Yeah, totally, like when Keith tried to convince people that I didn't exist & then I had to come back from South Dakota to kick his pussy indie ASS

I think AllmanBroFan should go eat a bag of dicks. Enough said.

Lord. I am at work on campus right now, and since I am using one of the secretary's computers up front, I couldn't really laugh that loudly.

I must say that I completely agree with jamiecarroll. This guy just wants to stir up trouble and insult people who are obviously regular posters on this board.

But, like Keith, I have a weakness for arguing too. I will refrain from calling names and all of that. I will say this...Anyone who signs up to be on The Features messageboard simply to bash regular fans/posters desperately needs to find something else to do. Why would anyone want to stir up trouble for any band, whether talented or not? Of course, in this case, there is no question of whether every, single member of The Features is talented. We all know that they are, hence them being such a great band and resulting in us being the fans that we are.

Obviously, there are people who just don't agree, but it seems that this is not the case here. He says that he did enjoy the band (for pop music or whatever...), so clearly his aim was to either piss you guys off or get you guys talking. And since I seemed to miss this character's coming and going, I thought that you all handled it well. Hell, I know I was laughing (as much as I could, given my surroundings). What can I say? I just love sarcasm.

Anyway, I bid you farewell, SmokintoneNathan.

I just have to say that I absolutely hate it when people assume that those of us who have college educations have been waited upon by our daddies and mommies. My parents don't pay for my college, I didn't have a maid, I definitely don't have a SAAB (nor would I ever be caught dead in such an awful vehicle), and once again, I have nothing close to a full-paid education to Vandy, etc.... Yeah, I shop in thrift shops, but I bearly have enough money to do that. And yes, if I did have more money, I would still shop in thrift shops because clothing made in the 50's-70's is a thousand times better than that made today.

Yeah, just assume that all of us are emo kids or the new alternative to hippies. The Beatles wore pointy toe, zip-up boots (Chelsae is the proper style name, to be exact)...were they emo kids or losers? I don't believe they were...but who knows, you probably do.

Oh, and why don't you just say "fuck"? You call people "pussies", yet you bleep out curse words with punctuation signs, etc....????

I hate to fuel this conversation any longer, but I just had to voice my thoughts.

(Edited by Sexy Sadie at 12:18 pm on Nov. 18, 2002)

Well said.

wow. even more hilarity. a million thanks allmanbrofan. i bid you farewell in a fashion only appropriate in this situation...and i quote: "F#%* you."

Oh my damn. This is the most vitriolic, hilarious shit I've ever seen. Best thread in Features history. For the record, I wear pointy shoes, I shop in thrift stores, I'm spoiled rotten because I'm an only child, I've been to a few allman brothers concerts (fucking boring), don't drive a saab, don't go to vandy, my parents are about as working class as they come, I'm a leftist (lots of education will do that to you), I've got my share of western-wear shirts with the pearl snaps. As a matter of fact, I'm a total stereotype. I invite everyone to point out this fact. I also don't buy into a lot of the bullshit that goes along with the business of being in indie rock. There are plenty of indie rock musicians who can't play their instruments, can't sing, can't write, and generally aren't worth a damn. This is true in all genres of music and none deserve to be dismissed out of hand. I however, although I am what one might call an "indie rock" musician, have incredible skills on a variety of instruments. So in this way I break the mold and my rebellion is complete. Thank you very much. I'll be here all week.

my grandmother lives next to david hasselhoff's mom. just thought i would point that out.

oh yeah, i think i know who "andy" is...perhaps one unemployed ex-east tennessean writer with too much creativity and time on his hands? perhaps not. thanks for the laughs though.

Hahaha....You just discribed me perfectly. If you do figure out what guy is attracted to this type of girl, tell him I am single and in need of a date.

Why all the hate?
I'm strait bangin in C-Town (Columbia to those who aren't hip to the sceeeene)...Can't wait til D Betts finally gets in a band with Kid Rock! Then you indie punkers will see who's boss...it ain't Bruce & the E-Street!
I love...because I must.
SmokinTone
btw...Has anyone ever wanted to see an indie show so badly that they would sell grilled cheese sandwiches in the parking lot?
Wait, you'd need to sell fondue(sp?) at an indie show.

My dad says he would like a date...

...because your sole intention on this board is to piss people off.

My sole intention in life is to piss people off.

I am the keymaster, are you the gatekeeper? great signature.

My weakness is older men....

I still think that's a thyroid thing.

Sigourney Weaver scares me.

If you think she's scary, then you will find this even more terrifying. I did.

http://anomalies-unlimited.com/Jackson.html

dear God... that was shocking. i'd always wanted to compare photos of him like that. it's amazing to see him progressively becoming more and more scary.

For Black History Month this past February, we were required to do reports in our history class on 5 African-Americans from a list. Michael Jackson was one that I chose but I was told that I couldn't do him because he is too popular.

Of course, when I said that I planned on creating a timeline showing the self-mutilation that he has done to himself to accompy my report, it was allowed for the sheer comedy/horror of it. The report/pictures were so...interesting that they were actually placed on a posterboard and hung out in the hallway.

Needless to say, it was stolen by someone who thought it was hilarious. Ah MJ, always providing laughter/horror....

oh my god. i think i've lost my will to live. however, i did especially enjoy the part where you could click on the nose to get a close-up. it kinda looks like he got fed up with all the plastic surgeons and just tried to fashion his own nose by burning it on the stove. scary.