Not to complain and make it seem like my life's worse than yours, but I need to see what's going on. So, I was in love with this girl more than anything and moved eight hours from my parents, friends, and job to a little city where I knew my aunt and that my girlfriend would be in in about three months. Changed my life completely around. On out six month aniversary, I was going to propose to her, but the plans didn't work out, so I didn't. I would have been happy with this girl for the rest of my life. I gave my everything to her. But, the day after she moved into town, she said we needed a break. About three weeks later (Monday), we started going out again. Yesterday, she said she didn't feel right being mine anymore. Crushed my again.

Long story short, why do love, emotions, and life all have to suck?

Sorry to hear about that, buddy. Keep your head up. I wish I could tell you that the girls become less cruel and sadistic...errrrr...quirky and free-spirited...as they get older, but in general, they don't.

It's probably best that you don't get married at your age, anyway.

I have a theory, but I'm not dare opening myself to the female wrath on here.... PM me and I'll give ya the low down. And I have imperical evidence... she's asleep in my bed with child right now.

Oh yeah, and someone will post a link to the Ladder Theory in 3....2....1....

naw not ladder theory.. just a realization I came to. My wife now even admits it. Hell I guess it's no big deal.

Putting kevlar on:

In my experience (not all are alike) women will walk all over you as long as you let them. In fact you, you probably did everything right, the way a nice guy should JAD. The problem is that she no longer respected you because you gave her everyhting she wanted and you were deemed in her head a pushover. When you stand up to them, you set a boundry, and she now knows where the rules of the game are. In fact, it will intrigue her that you didn't give her what she wanted. case in point:

I had recently gotten out of a viscous relationship. I did everything she asked of me, and was the all around nice guy. She walked all over me and threw me away like yesterday's news. (I noticed that this was a pattern I had with the women I dated, give them the world, be the good guy, get dumped for the asshole) I was a pretty wounded puppy. I had a crush on my present day wife (who I worked with), but I was way to gun shy to do anything about it. A big group of us (her included) all became friends and started to go out at night together (we worked in TV and kept weird hours). Liz (my wife) and I became pretty good friends. In fact I pretty much thought I had no chance with her because of the ol' friend zone. But yet, I secretly pined and listened to all of her guy problems. After about 3 months of this crap I decided that I was wasting my time with her, I was nothing but a sounding board for her problems. I was the "brother she never had".

So I gave up. I decided that fine, we can just be friends and started to turn my interests to other women. Well the first time I even mentioned I was interested in this woman and was going to ask her out, Liz did a complete 180 and all of a sudden boom, I'm a pretty interesting guy, and maybe we should go out on a date (we actually went to a DMB concert).

We start dating, and everything is fine until I fell back into the same ol' pattern of giving her everything she asked of me, yet, now looking back, I had all kinds of "rules" I had to follow. She had all the "hand". After about 3 months of dating we started to fight quite a bit, always over something stupid like "You hang out with your guy friends to much" and blah blah blah. After totally castrating myself, the last straw was placed on my back Oct 31, 1995. We were supposed to go to costume party, I was going as Batman, she Robin, latent homosexuality jokes abound!

I came over to her apartment to pick her up and she decided she didn't want to go. "We should just stay in." Halloween is my favorite holiday, and dammit I was pretty jazzed about my Batman costume, and we were meeting all kinds of friends. I just looked at her and said "Fine, I'll go by myself. Batman does just fine without Robin." and turned around and headed down the steps. She yelled down to me "Are you walking away from me?!?!?" I turned around and said "yep, looks like it" and she got this unbelievable look on her face and said "No one has ever walked away from me. Get back up here." I looked at her thru my cowl and said "Well, this looks like a first then." I'm sure there was a dramatic cape flourish as I continued down the stairwell. She yelled down at me that we were finished if I didn't come back up there to talk to her about this.

Something snapped in me. The ex-girlfriends all came rushing back and the kicked in the gut feeling boiled to the surface. "You know what? I don't need this shit. Robin needs Batman... Batman doesn't need Robin" (Hokey I know, but what are you supposed to do wearing a rubber mask, cape and a way to form fitting unitard?)

I waltzed out to the Batmobile and dissappeared into the night. I went out with my friends and had a grand old time. Come midnight we were at the party (in a huge nightclub) dancing and bat-boozing it up, when out of nowhere, Robin appears at my side. She told me that I was right, Robin did need Batman, but she needed me more. (awwwwwwww I know)

We were engaged about 5 months later and just celebrated our 7th wedding anniversary last weekend. To this day, she points to that instance on the stairs as the moment she knew that she was in total love with me and that we were going to get married. AS I WALKED AWAY THINKING WE HAD JUST BROKEN UP!

Long ass story I know, but the point is, until you step up and assert yourself like a man (not trying to be sexist, but describe an instinctual drive) she will have no respect for you and eventually tire of you and look for something else. My theory is that somewhere deep in that female brain there's a switch that needs to flipped by the male that says to her "This guy will protect me and guide me through tough times. I can count on him"

You need to still be the nice guy JAD, but show her that you can be the asshole, bad boy, whatever, when the time comes, and she needs you to be that.

I'll be hiding in the Batcave waiting for my beat down now....

(Edited by Peace Frog at 2:54 am on Sep. 11, 2004)

My advice: You're 19 and have been dating 6 months? Save the ring for later and stop thinking about the rest of your life with anyone for a while.

Well crap.... you're 19? Jesus dude. Go have fun then!!!!

PF, I think your theory is a good one. However, I don't think it's just women who will walk all over those who let them. Anyone will do that - men, women, and children. There must be a balance of attraction and power in every relationship if it is to work.

Also, I don't know if it's protection and guidance that women are looking for as much as they are looking for an even match. It's no fun to be around someone - regardless of their gender - who will let you push them around. I have never consciously thought to myself "I think this guy will/will not protect me throughout my life," but I have thought "I think this guy will/will not interest me throughout my life."

They suck at the moment for a reason. One day you will look back at this and be thankful she dumped you because you will be with someone that deserves you. If it is her in the future, you will still learn from all of this and will know how to do things differently. PF is right, both partners have to have respect for themself and stand up for themself so nobody walks over anyone. Love IS a wonderous thing when the timing is right and it is with the right person, so don't give up!!!!
Thank you Dr. Phil McCrotch.

great story, peace. believe me when i say i envy you.

i have only recently learned the enormous power that jealousy has over a woman's mind. their one weakness, it seems. i'm still learning the craft.

really, roadie? i could have told you that a long time ago.

as far as pf and tokens comments go: everyone wants to be respected, appreciated, and desired. without all three of those from both parties, a [loving] relationship wont result. whether you have to stand up for yourself every now and then and have an argument; or if you are always grateful for your partner and they are grateful for you- the final result should be that both of you getting what you want.

I know... That's what everyone keeps telling me, but I just had that feeling that she was the one and I'd be completely happy with her for the rest of my life.

PF, I was a great guy and argued my way sometimes, but I usually caved in and did what she wanted. I probably would have walked back up those stairs and talked it over. But, I'll try your theory when the time comes.

Meh, if it wasn't meant to be, I'll get over it and live the rest of my life. I'll be ok.

It's a natural feeling. I had that exact same feeling at 19. I know how difficult it is, but just try your hardest to put it out of your head.

Okay, I'll take the other side. Some people do find "that someone" at such a young age. My parents got married when they were both 19 and were married for over 30 years. One of my good friend's parents got married when they were both 18 and have been married for over 35 years. For a younger example, a good friend of mine got married when he and his wife were both 20ish and have been happily married for 4 years. I could go on, but I think you get the point. You can't completely write off young love.

(Edited by jamiecarroll at 10:52 am on Sep. 12, 2004)

She has a new boyfriend.

I'm moving back to Tennessee.

sorry dude... that seems a little to fast. Soemthing's fishy there.

She didn't know the guy before.

Oh I don't either. My mom got married at 18 to my dad (who was a little older), and they've been happily together for 35 years or so. It's feasible, but for every success story, there are hundreds of "we were going to get married" stories that people have from their early 20s, not to mention the "test marriages" that are in style as of late.


Anyway, JAD, sorry to hear. I know how it feels and how it sucks. Watch Swingers every other day until you feel better, limit your alcohol in-take, and get in touch with as many old friends as possible.

(Edited by YaDaDaDa at 10:27 am on Sep. 19, 2004)

After reading all of the advice against young marriages in this thread, Roger and I have decided not to get married yet since I am only 23. Wait, do you think we could average our two ages? That would be 26-Is 26 a good age to get married? I guess I will be 24 by the time we get married...you know what??? nevermind!

I was 24 when I got married.

I prefer averages over personal testimonial. I would like to know the average length of a relationship as it relates to age of marriage.

Sorry about the bad luck, JAD. Better to know she's not the one now instead of later.

In our parents generation it was more widely accepted to be married right out of HS (becausemany more of them didn't go to college) or right after college. In fact, I'd wager that most women that were over 25 and not married at the time thought they were old maids... and God forbid you reach 30 without a husband.

I got married when I was 26, Liz was 27. I can only say from my experience, that the guy I was at 18 and the guy I was at 26 were vastly different characters. I'd say even from 22-26 there was a pretty good growing up period.

I'm not making a blanket statement about all marriages, but I would say the later you marry the more likely that marriage will last. That of course is just anecdotal evidence. But friends that were married younger are now divorced or going thru some strife. No marriage is perfect, but its pretty odd that all of our friends that got married later are (or seem) to be much happier.

Again, its just a case by case basis, but the amount of growing and maturing a person does from 18-22,23,24 is amazing. Sometimes people grow and mature together (my parents were married at a younger age as well, and they have a good marriage), but if I was to place bets in Vegas on the random 18 year old couple getting a divorce by age 30, I'd bet divorced everytime. Just my two cents.

With a baby imminent (read the Von Bondies thread) we were talking about how odd it was that we were so much older than our parents when they had us, but yet, among all of our married adult friends, we are like the young baby couple. We have friends that are 40 that had their first last year. I think alot of it is our generation. We are definitely more self absorbed and also know what we want as a whole. The trend is definitely putting major life changing things off and taking care of ourselves first.

Sometimes girls are bitchy and indecisive and want to be kind of slutty before they settle down. Sometimes girls find the one pretty young and get married and live happily ever after. Some women will never marry.

What I'm saying is, it's hard to generalize anyone...especially young people.

actually, it's quite easy.

OK then, hard to generalize with any accuracy. Ass.