After a night of boredom, IWE, HSS and I got the brilliant idea to look up some fanfiction. For those who are wondering what fanfiction is, it is basically explicit sex stories about celebrities. Now, some are just "omigosh i can't believe i just met britney spears!" while some are "oh Britney, let me mount your lusty globes, etc." If you have a sick sense of humor and, well, don't read any about people you actually like, they can be quite entertaining.

Here are the obligatory links...

Click here to read stories about people actually volunteering to have sex with Michael Jackson...

Ever wonder what it would be like if John Lennon and Paul McCartney got it on? Well, here it is and it is quite graphic...

And from the premier Gay Metallica site, a nice romp between James Hetfield and Justin Timberlake.

Last but not least, a links page full of fun. Ellen DeGeneres, Olsen Twins, Backstreet Boys, the fun never stops.

Now I need a cold shower...

One of my favorite messageboard members in recent history-- Crackwheat-- had some interesting ones on his website under "links". I remember one about the prime minister and a member of parliament or something...

(Edited by carligula at 2:21 pm on Jun. 3, 2003)

the olsen twins are hot.

Hotter than Stephanie. Randy is just a weirdo...

That's an understatement if I ever heard one! I still say Pablo and James better be taking out extra health insurance.

It's bound to get pretty Greek Tragedy before long.

But hey, it'll be a funny Greek Tragedy...

the stephanie tanner project gives my life meaning. public declaration of my love for it is necessary.

I didn't believe Digsy when he said that every celebrity had their own fan fiction but it's true. Elvis only has one tale and it is grouped in the section of the website, "Even these people have their own fanfiction" with the likes of Danny Elfman. I do not recomend reading any about people you actually love b/c they are terrifying (sorry SS).

They MJ one is seriously one of the funniest things ever.

Fanfiction has to be the most bizarre element of postmodern life that I can think of. My roommate wrote his gender studies final paper on homosexual fanfiction in science fiction and fantasy subcultures and it was the weirdest shit I'd ever seen. The things some people want to happen between Frodo, Sam, and Gandalf shouldn't be mentioned, and thus won't.

Will

I feel so evil for laughing at that site. Poor Randy. However, the STP did provide one of the funniest things I've read in a while...

"u and bronson pinchot r the only 2 peeps that kno. the only 2 peeps i could comfide in"

We mustn't forget "dive back rubs" and "drinking glass winds."

some of my personal favorites are:

-when jodie asks randy to audition for the love interest role on her new sitcom "jodie." then randy asks if it will be a problem that "he can't spell or read too good."

-the special "grift" that jodie sent randy.

-how jodie casually mentions her problem with bulimia.

-"i in room 405 not 406."

-when randy admits his "v" and asks "if it bad thing?"

I thought the subtle bulimia references were brilliant. I wonder if the STP could face any legal troubles for impersonating Jodie? Also, what will happen to Randy if he ever learns to use Google and discovers the project? Or is the whole thing a farce?

i really don't think it's a farce. i went to the sweetin.com messageboard just to secure my assumption that people like randy actually do exist. it's a scary scary place (there's a forum dedicated to the olsen twins). there was even a recent thread on there where a sweetin.com-er actually found the STP site and was apalled. i don't know if they alerted randy or not. i'm excited/scared to see how this will end. hopefully it won't end with a law suit or a homicide.

(Edited by HaveSomeSoma at 11:17 am on Jun. 4, 2003)

suicide is what ive worried the most about... but that is way too serious of a topic to discuss here. stp is brilliant.

this is all very funny, but i also think that the guy or team of people who are spending their time impersonating jodie for such an extended period of time are losers as well. They ought to get lives.

OK, Im sowry for saying that. I just angry. my namesrandy and i wuz pissed when i saw that site. Sowry guys.

I could not read all of that John and Paul one. I was extremely disgusted and disturbed. That was just wrong.

If it's a farce, I am 99.9% sure Pablo isn't in on it.

Have you fans of the STP seen this yet?

That looks like something out of Westmoreland or Smyrna.

wow. the best part is the shania twain midi.

(Edited by stopforme at 7:07 am on Jun. 5, 2003)

Well, hopefully he will some day, TF. But like he said, right now he's a "v".

Maybe BrianW can set up a fan fiction section here... The Digsy/Sina sexual tension can be cut with a knife...

Yes, I do want to mount her wet fountain of love...

sexual tension is a problem brought up far too often on this message board.

(Edited by rachel1808 at 4:20 pm on Jun. 5, 2003)

Pablo here, co-worker in the Stephanie Tanner Project. Just felt like chiming in and reassuring you that this is NOT a farce. Believe you me.

Pablo, you are a God.

I just wanted to beat everyone to the punch.

By the way, Pablo cheats in MarioKart 64 tournaments, so he's not perfect.

But cheating is encouraged, right Carl?

Alright, alright, you got me. I lost fair and square. Sort of.

Just checked the STP, and realized that they now have cool Randy shirts. I must have one! But why is the girls shirt more expensive than the guys? Give the ladies a break!

i have no idea why, but cafepress.com charges me more for those baby doll tee's than for the plain old t-shirts. I'm literally making $1.65 off of each tshirt... so don't go thinkin that i'm rippin you ladies off.... so... you come here often?....


ha
pablo

pablo, if you are the same pablo that wrote the mcdonalds rape story on carligula.com i just wanted to say i love you.

omg that's just horrible! they freaking have fanfiction about the movie Labyrinth

The George Bush/Jacques Chirac piece was also quite intriguing.

I have seriously considered getting the white t-shirt with Randy on it. I introduced The Stephanie Tanner Project to my brother last night, and he couldn't believe it. How evil and wonderful.

He is. And we all do.

So who will be the first to write some Features fanfiction? Come on now, someone be brave. The first story should involve Roger and lots of smack and hoes.

okay, okay. i'll step up to the plate. here goes. this first features fanfiction will be titled "roger likes smack and hoes."

roger likes smack and hoes

roger, sitting on the sofa with bass in hand, strummed on his instrument in an attempt to create some hott new basslines.
"man," said roger aloud, "i'm the coolest. i play a mean bass. i love it when i play the bass good so that is why i'm practicing."
in mid strum roger happened to glance at the calendar. beside today's date was a little drawing of a clothes hamper. roger likes sketching on his calendar. it helps him remember things.
"what?!?" he exclaimed. "Laundry day already? aw, man! guess that means i have to stop playing this bass, even though i really don't want to."
with a frown on his face, roger gathered a load of laundry from the hamper. with the basket of clothes under one arm, he opened the door to the laundry room with the other. to roger's great surprise, inside the laundry room was an abundance of smack and hoes. roger did the smack and hoes.
"but wait," roger said, "work before play!"
he put a load of laundry in the washer. roger then continued doing the smack and hoes.

the end

In more ways than one. Heh heh...

By the way, this is hilarious. Got any more of them?

Tee hee. Great stuff, HaveSomeSoma. I was hoping for more graphic details, but I won't complain. What I will do is begin thinking of ideas for some more Features fanfiction. Maybe something like "Matt's great temptation." Something that could put the line "two by two they came" in whole new context, if ya know what I mean.

Okay, I'll stop. These thoughts are a bit disturbing.

In a nod to our friend Paul, "Screw By Screw" has already been done.

(Edited by richarddawson at 5:50 pm on Jun. 11, 2003)

I had forgotten about those "alternate" lyrics. Since I think we all found them a bit distasteful, it would probably be best not to taint The Features by writing smutty stories about them. I will rest my quest for Features fanfiction.

But it could've been some fun.

That's a shame. I liked the "Smack and hoes" story. I think more are in store.

I have been prevy to a few live performances of this song and it is truly hilarious, complete with hand-motions. I guess you have to hear it in person to appreciate it.

I'm sure it's fun when seen live. And anything is better with hand movements!

This story is totally unrealistic. Anyone can tell by his appearance that Roger never does laundry.