i have wanted to ask this for over a year now, but i hear a lot about some old skool legends who go by the sly code names of brianeno, brianeno2 and . . . elliot?

im just wondering, were these kewl skater kids or punk ass little bitches.

whats the dealio yo?

im rounding hour 30...

ps. school sucks

No, none of them were skater kids or punks. They were here at a time when the message board was inhabited by members who acted like adults. (OK, you could argue that elliott wasn't much of an adult, but he never started an "I'm pretty and you're ugly" argument.)

I'm not 100% sure about the history of the board so some of the others can help me out with this.

In the spring of 2001, michael was commissioned by the Features to build an official website for the band. As part of this website, he created a message board where fans could discuss the band and other relevant topics. As is common with software projects, michael wanted to test the message board before releasing it to the general public. This would help ensure that everything was working properly. Several of the Features' personal friends were recruited to help with this testing.

The first person to sign up for the test was BrianEno. For some unknown reason, he stopped posting after six test posts. Legend has it that the Creator, michael, banned him from the board.

On September 22, 2001, brianeno2 joined the message board. Just before the site when public, the test messages were removed from the message board. On November 26, 2001, brianeno2 posted the first message on the "real" message board. In that post, he declared himself god. brianeno2 would go on to post his thoughts on music, life, and, of course, the Features. He was famous for stirring up discussions with controversial posts and, especially, for criticizing the band's management. (He would later change his position on the subject.) He is noted for starting the first known comprehensive listings of Features songs, starting the site's first poll, ripping local bands, and eating at CiCi's pizza. He is also credited with introducing the word relevant into the message board vernacular.

On February 14, 2002, brianeno2 posted his 250th message, making him the first member to be labeled an "Advanced Member." Twelve minutes later, he became the first member to officially retire from the message board when he made his final post. According to legend, he still sometimes speaks through his prophet.

Things were quiet for a few days. Then on February 17, a new member joined the board. elliott would go on to post 148 messages in thirty-three hours. His posts were rather inane in nature, with such memorable quotes as "has anyone seen my pants they're a grey, silverish color I lost them at the last features show at 12th and Porter." He was known for his dislike of emo kids and affection for jam bands.

elliott's rampant posting soon raised the ire of the other board members. He was quickly banned by the message board's administrators, making him only the second person to ever receive "the death penalty." Since he was banned, his messages are no longer available in the board's archives. People in the know eventually discovered his true identity (and apparently forgave him). Another member, smith, made a brief appearance as elliott's alter ego. He, however, never really stirred up any trouble.

The only other major event occurred in July of 2002, right after the board's first official "meet and greet" at Dancin' in the District, the message board crashed. When michael fixed it, it reappeared with new software (with lots of cool features, including avatars).

This concludes my lecture for Features Message Board History 101.

Jesus Christ, that was a beautiful post.

Good Daigle! Thanks for the info, dude. I never got the connection.

I think you forgot to mention Blightman, though.

No, I didn't "forget" blightman. He's a great guy, and I've always enjoyed his posts. I would consider him a member of the board's central cast of characters. However, in such a light treatment of the board's history, I didn't think he really deserved to be mentioned by name. (Unless, of course, you're implying what I think you're implying. In that case, I didn't "forget." I just didn't want to be the first to say what has never been publicly stated.)

Oh, right... Nevermind.

Way to be vague TF...

Loved the history, by the way. Very enlightening, and I didn't think there was too much of the lore of Eno that I didn't know. I enjoyed his comprehensive listing of songs, but was surprised to see "Carry-On." Is this a different song now, or should I add it to the discography?

Will

(Edited by Wiyum at 1:41 pm on Apr. 15, 2003)

Wow...that was amazing and probably took a lot of time to do Snap...

And what's up with the "back when the members acted like adults" thing? I want to tell everyone that you are ugly and you really should get that nipple removed from your forearm.

I remember before the board crashed, someone said something about me being like elliott because I posted about 80 times in two days. I went back and read most of his posts. Wow. I have to respect someone that can think all that up and post it in 33 hours. He cracked me up.

(Edited by JustAnotherDrive at 3:11 pm on Apr. 15, 2003)

that was every bit as entertaining as i had hoped it would be - im glad I asked. thanks for being so thorough in your answer. my only problem is, i would really like to read elliot's posts, out of sheer nosy ass curiosity.

Something I've noticed:

BrianEno2 has changed his avatar. It seems he is another disciple of Daigle. This must mean that he is still out there...somewhere...watching over us...not at all creepy.

Beautifully summarized, TF. Beautifully summarized.

I would add only two things:

1) elliott = blightman

2) blightman & friends = AllmanBroFan, bigSexyMan, D. Hasselhoff (remember them?)

I'm not unearthing new secrets. He admitted as much himself.

those guys were very entertaining.....dont forget their friend "pointed toe shoes". he was my favorite.....

(Edited by ray davies at 4:31 pm on Apr. 15, 2003)

The highlights have definitely been included.

I would've added the explosion of members and posts that happened in May. It was then that elt, lw, jc, and be2 could be reached with their high post numbers. Before that, there wasn't enough discussion going on for anyone to post that much (unless they sat and made up things to post to themselves about).

I also would like to point out that this board has done a great service to me as a Features fan. For years, I went all alone to shows and knew no one. Now, even though I have my own companion(s), I love to be able to go to all these shows and know people.

This date also being the date of birth of myself AND Lord Daigle (minus a few years). Hence my promotion to High Priestess of Daigletology, and my holding of many secrets and recipes for mysticism.

Didn't he make his last post before avatars were even an option?

Yes, but he mysteriously created one when the new message board went up.

There's no doubt that he still reads, at least occasionally. He also has changed his signature a time or two. He just doesn't post.

elt reported he will return when the Features have a full-length LP. Yup, that's right folks, Fall 2005.

"And, lo, the release of thy devine LP shall be the seventh sign that the return of eno draws near."